Twas the Night Before Bacon Christmas
Twas the Night before Christmas and all through the house
no meat was sizzling, or chewed up by mouths.
The frying pan was placed in the cupboard with care
in hopes that some bacon soon would appear.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of:
Bacon wrapped in bacon covered in bacon with more bacon stuffed in bacon showered in bacon fried in their heads.
Mamma in her apron, and I in my bib
we dreamt of a meal much better than ribs.
Together we watched the news in our bed
I almost cried out when the news lady said
that turkey bacon was healthy for you
and that we should try it, this just wouldn't do.
I sprang from my bed! My blood pressure rising!
Turkey bacon's the worst, it's not appetizing!
How could they spread such terrible lies?
Only real bacon leaves you satisfied.
I was hot on the trail of a third heart attack
when I heard a loud noise coming from out back.
And in my backyard stood eight handsome pigs
They were massive in stature, they were really quite big.
I knew at once by whom they were raised.
Santa had come early. Heavens be praised!
I turned on the stove, there was no time to waste
There was meat on those pigs and I wanted a taste.
I cured them, I smoked them, I fried them all night.
I just love how bacon makes everything right.
Thick cut bacon is best when you're sad.
Center cut bacon makes everyone glad.
With a plate full of bacon I sat down to eat
And you'll never guess who I happened to meet.
Santa sat beside me, slapped the fork from my hand
It's bacon we're having, so eat like a man!
His eyes—how they sizzled! His dimples – full of grease!
Ol' Santa was bordering on obese!
When the meal was finished, when the last pig was gone
Ol' Santa turned red, something was wrong.
"Don't worry about me! Don't overreact!
I'm not having stroke just a quick heart attack"
Out the back door he waddled, his lungs gasping for air
He turned his head around and gave me a stare
Alas thanks to bacon, my troubles were removed
Bacon is so perfect, it cannot be improved
Santa exclaimed as he walked out of sight,
"Happy Bacon Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!"